How To Raise a Dreamer

If you are a dreamer come in

If you are a dreamer a wisher a liar

A hoper a pray-er a magic-bean-buyer

If you’re a pretender come sit by my fire

For we have some flax golden tales to spin

Come in!

Come in!

-Shel Silverstein

I often hear people criticize homeschool families because their kids “won’t fit in.” I wonder if perhaps, as Christian parents attempting to raise children who love Jesus, we could park on that objection for a moment? Romans 12:2 tells us “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God” (emphasis added). That doesn’t exactly sound like we are supposed to be raising kids who fit in (nor should we be striving for it ourselves). I don’t want to raise kids who do things like everyone else. I actually could care less if my kids “fit in.” I want my kids to each live out their own unique, God-given personalities. Most of all, I want to raise kids who know how to dream, and when I think about raising a dreamer I can think of no better role model than Anne Shirley. Dreamers go through life seeing things through the lens of imagination and creativity. They recognize that there is more to life than their current circumstances, and they aren’t afraid to think deeply about things. Here are four ways to raise a dreamer like Anne:

1. Don’t belittle or correct everything your kids say. There’s a point in the Anne stories where Anne says she has learned to keep her “imaginings” to herself because she’s tired of being laughed at and corrected. Yet Anne also learns the people who are worthy of her sharing her innermost thoughts with (those who belong to “the race who knows Joseph”). I want to be one of those people for my children, the person who they know they can share ANYTHING with. We do that by letting them express their own thoughts and ideas, and giving them space to discover things for themselves. Ask them their opinions, both about small things like what color of plate they want at dinner (although let’s be honest, they probably share that opinion without you asking!), and about bigger things like motivations for characters you read about or what a difficult Bible verse means. And remember that you don’t have to correct everything your child says; learn to recognize when it actually matters and when something can be overlooked for the moment. It takes wisdom to recognize the stage your child is at and what they are developmentally ready to learn and understand.

2. Give your kids time to creatively pursue their own interests. I think if I name one thing our kids need more of today it’s TIME. In a culture that has us running from school to extra-curricular practices to church events to the grocery store, and when our kids are often spending their only free time glued to a screen, today’s kids have very little free time. Anne lived in a world that was completely backwards from our own. Yes, she had to work hard at school and at home; but she also had a lot of free time to explore the woods with her friends, come up with stories, and, of course, get into mischief. Kids (even older ones) need unstructured time where they can live out their own ideas. This might mean that your kids get bored sometimes. Your child being bored doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong, it’s actually a really good thing! If you realize your child isn’t getting enough free time, start with daily outside time and set some limits around your kids screens.

3. Create beautiful, life-giving environments. Anne describes the world both inside and outside of Green Gables in a way that has captured every reader’s heart. Environment was a large part of what nurtured Anne’s imagination. This actually has nothing to do with home decor; Green Gables wasn’t decorated fancy nor was it the biggest house in Avonlea. What I’m talking about here is how your child’s environment makes them feel. In my opinion, the number one thing you can do for your child’s environment is to get rid of the clutter. Our generation has been marketed to and told that if we want to be good parents our kids need ALL. THE. THINGS. Listen, they actually don’t. In fact, research shows that our kids do better with LESS, not MORE. Pack away some of the toys for a while and see if your kids don’t start playing better. In addition to getting rid of the clutter, look for ways to expose your kids to nature more. Obviously, time outside is important for this, but also consider ways to bring nature inside. Pick flowers together and arrange in a vase and incorporate natural elements into your seasonal decor (like pinecones and pretty Fall leaves). My kids love to collect things they find in nature (rocks and feathers are the favorites here) and often leave them strewn about the house. While they sometimes drive me a little crazy (and many still find their way into the trash), I still don’t discourage the habit because I know it’s part of how they’re learning about and observing the world around them.

4. Fill their lives with stories. I’m not sure Anne could have been such a dreamer if she hadn’t been exposed to stories early on. Stories were what saw her through her difficult years in and out of orphanages and living with unkind families. We can give our kids the same gift of story by reading to them daily (yes, even the older ones) and building time into their day for independent reading (even public school kids need this as there is little time left in a public school schedule for personal reading). Add to your home’s environment by following Sarah Mackenzie’s rule of “books in every room.” In the Read-Aloud Family she says, “Research indicates that kids who live in homes where books are plentiful benefit from the mere presence of books. The fact that books are there has a lasting positive effect on our kids– on the way they think about home, how they see themselves, and the role they see books playing in their lives.” And finally, consider what stories your children are being exposed to through television and the internet. Make sure you know what your kids are watching and what kind of worldview they are showing. In our home we choose to focus on books and television where the focus is on the story, not an agenda. Shows and books that are created to share a specific agenda (even Christian ones) aren’t going to have the kind of engaging story that stirs up dreams in a child’s soul.

I know I just shared a lot of steps we can take for our kids in this area, and my tendency when I read something like that is to walk away and do nothing because I’m too overwhelmed. If that’s you, may I suggest picking one small thing you can do right now? Maybe turn off the T.V. and get your kids outside to play (go with them!)? Or grab a picture book and settle down on the couch for a few minutes of snuggles and a good story? Their childhood is much too precious for us to go through each day never nurturing the special personalities God has placed inside of them. Let’s practice intentionality and not waste the day!