Reading For Growth

I think most of us want to read more because we see it as a way to grow in any or all areas of our lives. It’s easy to look at books– especially nonfiction, self-help ones– as the avenue for change. And while I do view reading as a way to grow, I have personally found that books aren’t the solutions to all my problems. Yet I see how books have benefitted almost every area of my life. So what does this look like? What does this mean for us as readers and mamas who want to be the best we can be for the sake of our families? I think that we can read and grow from reading without overhauling and changing every single nuance of our lives. Here is how this has looked for me:

1. I don’t do everything an author recommends. I think we all want to feel a sense when we read a book that someone out there relates to our struggles. I get this because I do it, too: I love reading books written by homeschoolers (even if they aren’t on the topic of homeschooling) because I know they get how homeschooling affects every area of your life; when I read a book by a fellow pastor’s wife, I instantly feel a sense of camaraderie that can only come from being seen and heard. But no matter how many books I read (and let me just say that I have read A LOT), I have never found another person who is exactly like me, with the same personality and life circumstances I have. This is why you’re never going to do everything exactly like the author you’re reading. Kristi Clover, in her book M.O.M: Master Organizer of Mayhem, calls this strategy of taking bits and pieces from different things you read and applying them to your life “gleaning and tweaking.” I love this; there is something so freeing about approaching a book with permission to not do everything recommended in it. And guess what: I find that when I let go of that perfectionist tendency to DO EVERYTHING, I actually DO SOMETHING, instead of the nothing that always results from perfectionism. I make three or four healthy recipes instead of trying to go 100% on a diet and then giving up because I’m overwhelmed. I make a small tweak to our homeschool day and suddenly everything is going so much better. It’s okay, and I would argue it’s best, to just do a little.

2. I look for the threads. Looking for a thread means paying attention to the things that are constantly popping up in your life. When my husband was a youth pastor we had a pastor who planned his sermons this way; during the week he would always notice a specific verse or passage of Scripture that popped up over and over again, whether in his personal devotions time, conversations with others, or books he read. Those verse(s) were what he always planned his sermon around. I’ve noticed the same thing in my own life: often God leads me to the same Scripture or idea over and over again. Why? I’m guessing it’s because I’m hard-headed and stubborn, and it usually takes a lot of repetitions before I finally get the message. When I notice a common theme in my Bible reading, books I’m reading, or podcasts I listen to, I try to pay attention.

3. I focus on one area at a time for change. I don’t know about you, but when I feel like one area of my life is out of control that usually makes me feel like everything is out of control. Whether or not that sentiment is true, you will never find success in trying to change everything at once. I also don’t think that you should automatically focus on the area that is causing you the most grief. I may feel like I need some better ways to handle a difficult parenting situation, but if I haven’t stopped to examine other areas of my life (have I let the clutter creep in to the point it’s causing a general state of anxiety in our home? Am I taking care of myself and getting the rest I need so I can be in a good place to handle this discipline situation?), then I may not be ready to face this situation head on.

4. I think short-term, not long-term. Every January I find myself reading every nonfiction book on my bookshelf and making HUGE plans for everything I’m going to do this year. Yet the Bible tells us this mindset is completely contrary to God’s Word: “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring” (Proverbs 27:1). God hasn’t called us to have every day for the rest of this year (or the next or the next) figured out. If we spend all our time planning and setting goals for everything we possibly can, we miss out on the beauty of a life lived in daily submission to the Father’s will. Hear me out: I’m not saying goal-setting is an evil, ungodly practice. I just think we all have a tendency to hold more tightly to OUR goals than to submissive hearts (if your toes feel sore right now, know that mine are just as bad 😏). Go to the Lord and ask Him what He would have you do with this day, this week, this month, and let those be your goals.

5. I don’t ignore my own ideas. Just because someone has been published doesn’t mean that their ideas hold more value than yours or mine. We have to be careful not to put authors and “influencers” up on a pedestal and think that they know more than we do. Do you know who the best expert on your children is? YOU, mama, and, of course, your husband. Not the parenting expert with the PhD, the podcaster with a million episodes, or the author with ten kids. I’m not saying to not learn from them, but at some point we have to own up to the fact that God didn’t put THEM in the position to be parents to our kids; that position belongs to US. This means we are equipped (by the power of the Holy Spirit) to provide everything our children need.

6. I don’t view growth as only occurring from nonfiction reading. Fiction reading has been a much more powerful force for change in my life than nonfiction. I sometimes find it interesting that we as a culture spend MILLIONS of dollars on self-help books every year, when we could probably go a lot further in life if we would just pick up a classic and read it. Have you ever thought about HOW MUCH of the Bible is written in a narrative form? Or that Jesus did the majority of His teaching through parables? God obviously saw value in stories as a vessel of change, so perhaps we would be wise to do the same.

I want to leave you with two thoughts as I close: 1) I hope you take away from this that books should be our inspiration for growth, not a recipe that we follow step-by-step, thereby recreating someone else’s life. Your reading should cause you to think deeply about your own life, and that will in turn produce change for the better. 2) Sometimes God wants us to walk through something hard and not change anything about it. Sometimes there’s not anything you can do to “fix” the struggle your child is having, or the health diagnosis, or the relationship struggles. During these times I still find comfort in books, but it’s not the comfort of having all the answers; it’s rather a comfort that comes from a reminder that there is an Author who is writing every page of our story and sees how it will end. I want to leave you with some verses I’ve been praying over in my personal devotion time this month; hopefully it will be a reminder to trust the Master Storyteller with whatever difficult chapter you’re in:

“For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began” (emphasis added).

-Psalm 139:13-16