Reading Together Shows Our Kids We Value Them

There seems to be a trend in our current “mom culture” that says it’s okay to complain about and even belittle our children; we have all seen the “rants” on social media from moms who are frustrated with their children and want to let the world know. And if we are all being honest, we have all struggled with these feelings in our own hearts at times even if we don’t put it online for the world to see. Unfortunately, I think our kids can easily pick up on these attitudes from us more than we realize and sometimes see themselves as not being “good enough” to please us, or start to feel that we don’t care about spending time with them. This is where reading together can shine so beautifully. Sharing books shows our children how we value them in a few specific ways:

1. When we read and discuss books, we show our kids that they have something to bring to the conversation. We facilitate this by asking questions around what we are reading; I’m not talking about “comprehension” questions. We aren’t asking who the main character is, what the setting is, or what the name of the random town the character visited was. Instead we ask questions that probe deeper: Why do you think he/she did that? What would you have done if you were in their shoes? Who do you think is the bravest character in this book? What was your favorite part? Which part did you like the least? Notice these questions don’t have only one right answer. The more we practice this kind of discussion with our kids, sharing our ideas as they share theirs, the more they see that two people can have two very different perspectives and feelings about a book. Our kids spend the majority of their school lives being expected to produce one right answer, but what we should care about more than them getting all the answers correct is them being able to have meaningful thoughts and conversations. Your kids have so much to bring to the table, no matter their age, but they won’t do it if we don’t encourage them to share.

2. We show our kids we care about what they’re interested in when we choose books we know they’ll like. I have one daughter who is obsessed with horses; this means we have read A LOT of horse books over the years; in fact, the very first chapter books I read aloud to my oldest two were the Fairy Ponies and Fairy Unicorns series from Paper Pie, and you better believe I picked them specifically because I knew they would help this child enjoy chapter books. My four-year-old asked for butterfly books from her grandma for her birthday this year, and we spent the next three weeks after her party rotating between three of them for our bedtime story. Do I enjoy reading the same books over and over? Not really. But I know doing it communicates to her that I respect her opinion about what books she likes and am willing to put aside my own preferences to simply be with her. If your kids are interested in books you don’t really like yourself, give them a shot! You don’t have to like all the same things your kids do, but they will come to respect and appreciate you more when they know you’re taking their opinions into consideration.

3. Reading together can provide any or all of the five love languages for our children. If your child’s love language is gifts, you can surprise them with a new book to read together that you know they’ll love. If its words of affirmation, you can speak life over them as you talk together about the story and affirm their thoughts on it. You are spending quality time together simply by reading together. Reading can also be an act of service, especially if you have a child who struggles with reading on their own, or needs help to finish a book for school. And finally, we can experience physical touch as we snuggle together over a good book. As my kids have gotten older, it seems like there’s less natural opportunities to just sit and snuggle (it becomes much harder to start your day with a long snuggle in the chair, like my littles do, when your older kids sleep past 8:30 everyday), but that doesn’t mean our older kids don’t need physical touch, too. When we take the time to snuggle on the couch and enjoy a book, we are showing our child how much we love them.

Reading together can be a wonderful moment to stop and connect with our child in the middle of a busy day, but I know I have had seasons where I didn’t see our shared reading times in this way. During those times I have to stop and do a heart check; don’t let resentment toward your children creep in. Children ARE a blessing from the Lord, no matter how you may feel in the middle-of-the-day chaos, and reading together can be the reminder we need to stop and love on the precious little people we have been tasked with raising.