Reading As Self-Care

Anytime the term “self-care” gets mentioned in Christian circles (or any circles for that matter), there are a lot of VERY strong feelings on it. On one side we have the people who preach what I would argue is a worldly definition of self-care: moms are overworked and overwhelmed and should take as much time for themselves as they want, not worrying about the effects on their family, home, or any other responsibilities. But on the flip side we have an equally anti-Gospel definition that says we should only ever serve, work, and DO and that ignores the Biblical mandate for rest. Let’s not forget about the role of grace in our daily lives; operating from a do, do, do mentality will never work because we will always fall short.

Regardless of which of these extremes you tend to, I think it is fair to say that if we want to approach self-care from a Biblical perspective it’s probably not going to consist of weekly visits to the salon or spending hundreds of dollars a month on clothes (not that clothes shopping or salon visits are in and of themselves wrong, they just don’t leave us refreshed and recharged in the same way that true self-care does). Instead I want to encourage you to focus on two main areas for self-care: a personal Bible study/prayer time and time to read. Bible study and prayer should be the first “restful” thing we prioritize in our day, but for the purposes of our conversation today I want to discuss WHY we should also prioritize reading as self-care.

How many times have you been SO excited to have a day to yourself without your kids, yet at the end of the day you find yourself stressed and grumpy again as soon as you are reunited with them? I think we have all experienced this if we are being honest. I absolutely think moms need occasional days where they can step back from the day-in-day-out HARD and remember that there is more to life than diaper changes and endless laundry piles. But I’ve noticed for myself that the more I have days like this the more I WANT days like this. So what’s the solution? The only thing that I have found that stops this crazy cycle is to build pockets of time to read into my day. There’s something wonderful about knowing that when we are in the middle of a mid-morning math meltdown or the little ones just WON’T. STOP. FIGHTING, that I’m going to get to sit and read a chapter or two in a good book once our afternoon quiet time starts. Is the bedtime routine driving you crazy every night? Make a rule for yourself that the first thing you do once the kids are all in bed is read for twenty minutes. Or maybe you start your day twenty minutes earlier than your kids with a good book (or you can even do all three!).

Reading let’s us recharge in the MIDST of the chaos, but it also gives us an automatic answer for what to do when we do have those longer stretches of time without kids. You know how the second that the kids are at grandma’s you all the sudden can’t think of a single fun thing to do? Or you spend the whole time thinking of the MILLION things you want to do and can’t make up your mind what to start with, so when they get home you realize you’ve wasted the whole time? Several years ago I decided that reading would always be my thing to do when I have kid-free time if I can’t decide what to do. I still might spend the time doing something else if I feel like it, but I don’t agonize over the decision anymore because I know I can always just read if I can’t decide on something else.

I know what some of you are thinking right now: why can’t I just scroll my Facebook or Instagram or watch TikTok videos? Doesn’t that provide the same rest as a book? I’m sorry to be bossy, but the answer is ABSOLUTELY NO. If you don’t believe me, spend some time researching it. The effects of social media on our brains can, quite frankly, be alarming once you really start to dig into them. And they don’t provide true rest, which is the goal of what we are talking about here. I want you to know how to take breaks in your day and come away rested and refreshed and ready for the next round of craziness with your family. I honestly can’t think of a single time I’ve felt that way after being on social media; I may have been entertained, but that doesn’t equal rest. Again, I’m not saying to delete all your social media accounts, just to consider how you can prioritize reading before scrolling so your brain is in the right frame of mind when you do jump on Instagram.

I find that reading helps to calm my mind when I’m feeling anxious. At first glance, this might seem counterintuitive: when your mind is already spinning with a million thoughts, do you really want to add more words to it? I would argue yes, because when you’re reading your thoughts are getting pulled in and focused on a specific thing, whether it’s because you’re “lost in a story,” or because you are diving deep into a specific topic you’re reading about. This is why books are naturally calming. Think about your kids when you read them a bedtime story: all the sudden their wiggly, wired little bodies slow down and they are able to begin relaxing and preparing for bed. Sidenote: if you struggle with sleep (either getting enough hours OR getting good quality sleep), I highly recommend setting aside the last thirty or so minutes before bed and reading a PHYSICAL book. We have all heard the admonitions about blue light and how it affects our sleep, and I’ve found the combination of putting down the screens and picking up a book close to bedtime makes a huge difference in my sleep.

Reading models healthy self-care practices for our kids. I want my daughters to know that no amount of beauty treatments and clothes shopping can fill them up, and, ultimately, reading can’t do that either (only Jesus can). But I would still argue that reading fits with the Biblical patterns of rest that we see because it forces us to set aside our work and try-hard attitudes and simply be for a little bit, just as we see God the Father do on the last day of Creation and just as Jesus did the many, many times he withdrew from the crowd to spend time in prayer. I also want my kids to see me having a healthy relationship with the need for self-care; if our kids see us in an endless cycle of needing time away from them, that's going to send a very wrong message to them that motherhood is something to be “escaped from.” On the flipside, setting aside small pockets to read our Bibles, pray, and enjoy a good book shows them that we can enjoy both motherhood AND our own interests.

As you’ve probably gathered from this, I don’t believe that moms are “entitled” to self-care; after all the only thing we actually deserve is the death on the cross that Christ took for us. But I do think that when we learn how to build restful pauses into our day, we will find ourselves better equipped to fulfill the roles God has placed us in, no matter what that looks like for our specific season.